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The true motivation for personal change, beyond resolutions.

Every December 31st to - January 7th we are bombarded with an innate need to change something about ourselves. It is a keen desire for change which I believe is normal- the old year is gone and the new year is here. We call them resolutions but in honesty, they are the silent flaws we want perfect. We’ve heard them all before, “My resolution this year is to save money,” “My resolution this year is to start dating,” or my favorite “My resolution this year is to be healthy and lose weight.”

Prada heels, corpani bag

We decide on these resolutions and pursue them unabashedly, but later on in the year we abandon them. Do you want to know why? The goals you set were not goals from a place of acceptance, awareness and love; it came from a place of hurt, fear and desperation. Being desperate for a change isn’t the issue, the problem is our inability to see, hear and understand why we want these changes.

Last year my resolution was to lose weight, because I was no longer happy with what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I did everything I could to lose it, but found myself sabotaging my progress weeks down the line. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to lose weight, it was because I wasn’t losing weight fast enough and thought I deserved to continue gaining weight. My expectations were unrealistic and more importantly I had a negative relationship with my body. I no longer saw myself as beautiful or desirable and acted accordingly. The moment I embraced the parts of me that I lost touch with I began to really understand that I was and am beautiful but I was not healthy. Reconnecting with myself shaped how I moved forward with my health journey. I decided to love myself regardless of shape and size. I fostered a mindset that made me want to be better. In the end I lost 15 pounds in the process.

This new year think more about the person you are now and what you can do to understand and value her. When she feels loved and safe you will want to care for her whether it’s monetarily, medically or finding a partner. Accepting yourself means learning to love and understand everything about you. That is where change and transformation begins.

When you write out your ‘resolution’ this year I encourage you to write out the three reasons why you are implementing this change. Reflect and review your statements and think back to where it began, how long you’ve wanted it, work on understanding the want before pursuing the need.

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